You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We need to get me chipped asap
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
