Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Less talking, more tequila
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
