How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
