i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
