Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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