I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
