i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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