No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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