i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
