I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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