Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize