OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
