just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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