Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
