Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
