saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
