Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
