dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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