fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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