Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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