he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
