I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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