oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize