oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
