he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
