I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
