Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
