Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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