There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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