Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
