i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
