i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
