You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
