I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
