you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
