would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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