the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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