if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
