Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
