How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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