Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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