why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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