im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
