Just took my morning after pill in the library
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
