i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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