So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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