Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
