So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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