After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
nutella sex= disaster
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Randomize
