dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize