How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
should my penis look like a turkey
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
