and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize