The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
