party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do vagina's smell?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
