Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
