I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
