can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
