Porn is love you can see.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
