Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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