I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
