Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
