70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
