We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
