i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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