why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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