Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
