I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
