If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
