Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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