Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
