the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
