TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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