u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
