i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
