doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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