I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
