She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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