Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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