Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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