i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
