No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
