there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
