Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
