So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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