Quick, to the slutcave!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
