this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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