....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
