Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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