Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
